I’ve always been a people pleaser.
I like harmony. I like calm. I don’t like disappointing people. Somewhere along the way, I realized that tendency didn’t disappear when I became a mom-it followed me straight into parenting.
And that’s been hard to admit.
I struggle with being “the parent” all the time. The consistent one. The firm one. The one who holds the boundary even when it causes tears.
Especially when it causes tears.
It’s uncomfortable when my daughter is upset with me. Something in me wants to fix it immediately. Smooth it over. Give in just enough so the tension disappears. But recently, God has been gently revealing something to me-that my discomfort was quietly shaping her behavior.
I started noticing a pattern.
If she didn’t get her way, she would pout. Push back. Let a small tantrum simmer just enough to test me. And too often, I would bend-not because it was right, but because it was easier.
And that realization humbled me.
“Train up a child in the way she should go…”(Proverbs 22:6)
Training requires consistency. And consistency requires strength.
Not loud strength. Not harsh strength. But calm, steady, unwavering strength.
I began asking the Lord to help me separate my people-pleasing tendencies from my parenting. Because discipline isn’t rejection. Boundaries aren’t unkind. And momentary disappointment is not damage.
It’s discipleship.
Now when it happens – when the pouting starts or the attitude shifts – I take a breath. I speak calmly and clearly. I let her know the behavior isn’t acceptable, and I won’t engage with it. Then I walk out of the room.
Twenty minutes.
At first, it felt uncomfortable. everything in me wanted to go back and fix it. But those twenty minutes have become sacred. They give her space to regulate. They give me space to pray. They remind both of us that we are not enemies – we are just learning.
Afterward, we sit down and talk. Calmly. Eye to eye. We come up with a solution together.
And something is shifting.
Not just in her-but in me.
God is teaching me that loving my child well doesn’t mean keeping her happy at all costs. It means guiding her with wisdom. It means being steady even when she is storming. It means trusting that short-term frustration can produce long-term character.
“For the Lord disciplines the one He loves…”(Hebrews 12:6)
If discipline is an expression of love from a perfect Father, then surely I can trust Him to help me reflect that love – imperfectly but intentionally.
Parenting is refining me more than I ever expected.
It’s exposing the parts of me that avoid discomfort. It’s teaching me that leadership in my home requires courage. It’s reminding me that I answer to God first, not temporary emotions.
I won’t get it right every time. But I’m becoming more aware. More prayerful. More steady.
And maybe that’s grace too.
Grace to grow as she grows.
Grace to lead with love instead of fear.
Grace to hold the boundary – and still hold her heart.
Finding grace along the way sometimes looks like walking out of the room… and trusting that both of us will come back softer.
Finding Grace Along The Way 