Growing up, my household was a walking – on – eggshells kind of home. I am second to youngest in a family of 12 – and the youngest girl. I’ve always been very shy. I don’t like having attention on me, and I try my best to stay small and not cause controversy.
When I turned 16, I started a life of partying and went down a very dark and selfish path. I was drinking and getting involved with guys and situations I definitely should have walked away from.
At 19, I moved out of state. Deep down, I think I knew in my heart there had to be more for me – more to life than what I was used to. More than what everyone around me was doing.
Moving away from the influence and peer pressure helped shift my focus. I began to see there was more to life than boys and partying. I started going to church regularly, accepted Jesus into my heart, and began growing my relationship with God.
I did all that for about two years, before moving back to my home state. I missed my parents and wanted to be closer to family.
Once I was back home, I continued going to church for about a year – and then I fell back into old patterns. Now I was old enough to legally drink, and this is when I met who I thought would be the love of my life.
We met one night, and although things didn’t initially work out, we stayed loosely connected over the years. Eventually, that connection turned into a very toxic relationship.
But from that relationship came my wonderful daughter.
Having her gave me the courage to leave. She opened my eyes and helped me see that this life was not healthy – for me or for her. I knew that if she were ever in a relationship like mine, I wouldn’t want her to tolerate what I was tolerating.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18
I was single for five years. Recently, I started dating a wonderful, Godly man. It’s been an adjustment – but in the best way.
There’s no drama. No yelling. No passive – aggressive behavior.
Instead, there’s open communication, no judgement, and space for each of us to be who we are.
I still have moments where I get in my head and make situations feel worse than they are. But now, I’m not afraid to bring those feelings into the light and allow him to walk through them with me and offer reassurance.
During those five years, I went to therapy and returned to church. I became a member and now serve every other Sunday. I worked hard on myself and focused on becoming mentally healthy.
Accepting Jesus into my life again helped me accept who I am – and allowed Him to begin changing my behaviors and thought patterns.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” -2Corintians 5:17
I am still growing and improving every day. New habits take time. But I’m learning – and with Jesus by my side, anything is possible.
Being vulnerable is hard for me. Staying guarded was how I protected myself from getting hurt. But I’m learning that vulnerability is one of the keys to building healthy relationships.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2Corinthians 12:9
That’s one of the reasons I started this blog.
I hope to help someone who has been – or is currently – where I once was.
My prayer is that this space becomes an encouragement to you in your dark times.
Gods got you. He loves every part of you.
He’s just waiting for you to become vulnerable with Him and let Him in – to show you the way and give you the courage to follow.
“He who began a good work in you will carry it out on to completion.” -Philippians 1:6
May you feel God’s grace right where you are today.
Nothing in your story is beyond His care.
Finding Grace Along The Way 